Sunday, June 21, 2009

The Ghost Date

Here's an article spotted on thelondonpaper's Love column about a month ago which I particularly enjoyed, written by Andy Jones.

Boys, look out for that spooky feeling

There is an enemy out there to all men. It is called the "ghost date". If you're a man or woman who doesn't think you've been on one, you are lying to yourself.

The ghost date occurs because of ignorance of one basic fact. In a man's mind, "drinks" with any woman never just means consuming alcohol. It's an innuendo-laden proposal which simply states: "I'm working out if you fancy me, and if you do, we're getting smashed until you agree to come back to mine."

Because women don't always understand this, ghost dates occur. That is, one of you thinks it's a date, but it's not. As a guy, you'll know you've been on a ghost date because at the end, you'll get a dry kiss on the cheek and spend your journey home dumbly staring at your phone wondering whether or not to send a text.

We foolish men can even go on several of these ghost dates with the same person. Drinking, chatting, saying good night, not even kissing, yet never being any the wiser as to whether the girl even likes you.

My mate Alessio has been "dating" the same girl every week for the last three weeks. His "date" probably thinks she has the best new mate in the world -- he takes her to bars, gigs and listens to all her problems. All she has to do is look pretty. But does she know he is taking her out only to get her in the sack?

Honestly, girls, tell us. Because you don't help the situation. Plenty of my girl mates meet guys "just for a drink". I pity their dates -- I bet the poor bloke spent ages getting ready only to be sat opposite them scarcely able to get a word in, wondering when me might turn the conversation to something more flirtatious.

Any girl who thinks she has suddenly got a new platonic man friend, you haven't. You've just got a guy dangling on a line, who is hoping at some point you'll lean in and snog his face off. Truly, we don't care about your crappy work problems, your ex-boyfriends or your dodgy femme plumbing. Just show us your pants!

If you're a man going on constant "ghost dates" with no return, I recommend the following -- after you've just bought your sixth round of the night, sit there and say: "Your round, love." If she's interested, she'll buy. If she looks horrified, you know you're being played. It's hard on your heart, but easier on your wallet.